T's Take on FATAL ATTRACTION

I hate to say it, but don't impregnate strange women. Michael Douglas is just slimy enough to be perfect for this role. A grown man with a wife and son sleeping with a business associate is wrong for (at least) four very big reasons. And then, no protection? Talk about flirting with disaster.

The whole thing feels very overblown to me. Baby or no, I cannot believe this woman felt honestly that her course of action could lead to anything but a massive explosion of hate and drama. Some women want that, I'd discovered in my life, but they also tend to be very easy to spot.

This was a horror movie more than a thriller, if you ask me, with everything about it blown out of proportion to chill us to our bones. People like this woman tend to be in jail or a psychiatric facility by the time they're thirty-six. For her to just snap and self-destruct at the notion of rejection, well... While I cannot speak to the plausibility of it, because indeed, it is the plausibility of such a scenario that makes it so bone-chilling, the likelihood is rather slim. Like, one in five hundred thousand, minimum.

Movies made for the express purpose of revealing the destruction of a family are things I rarely frequent. With So I Married An Axe Murderer, it was a goofy foray into unbelievable silliness, touching briefly on the idea that you never really know who somebody is. Fatal Attraction shoves misery in your face for an hour and a half. It was like watching Audition. I guess I'm glad I saw it, if only because I know what people are talking about now, but I'll probably never watch it again. I was grateful for the semi-happy ending, though, which is to say the only person who died was the insane lady.

It was fine, I guess, for an unpleasant movie that went out of its way to be weird and unnerving.

Don't watch Fatal Attraction.

T's Take on SO I MARRIED AN AXE MURDERER

What a delightfully dark movie. It reminded me of Envy, with that intentionally uncomfortable tinge of loathing and desperation. I liked Envy, just like I liked Axe Murderer, because I respect a filmmaker who doesn't care whether their viewers feel uncomfortable.

That was meant as a compliment.

Mike Myers does his best to be entertaining, which can be compelling and distracting moment to moment. I can see the director waving his hand at Mr. Myers and saying, “Just do something funny.” It felt unfair to leave the guy hanging with ballerina prancing in the quad at Buena Vista park for a solid two minutes while Ms. Cardboard offers the same cryptic open-ended statements we come to expect.

It's his winsome, pure enthusiasm that carries him through performances like this, but the guy just falls flat sometimes. It's not his fault. The movie leans on his personality too much. We just cycle back to the same two notes the whole movie through, which is enough, but barely. Jim Carey, John Candy, Robin Williams, whoever – we can't just throw these people into a movie and let good intentions carry them through. Mixing slapstick and mothers-kissing-friends fodder with the notion of brutal serial axe murdering is an uneasy combo at best, and shifting back and fourth between touching “take me seriously” romantic sequences and the abusive drunk Scottish father screaming at his child and wife made me wince more than once.

I like this movie. I honestly do. However, it feels conflicted, and that conflict muddies the fun I feel like we were supposed to be having here. The bits that included Mike's cop friend were hilarious, and the trip to Alcatraz was perfectly uncomfortable. Bryan Cranston absolutely nailed his role – the guy had me rolling. The spoken word segments were a lot of fun too, and the beat generation references made me feel comfortable and warm inside. All in all, it's a win. I can't really imagine another way it could have come out.

Watch So I Married An Axe Murderer

M's Musings on SO I MARRIED AN AXE MURDERER

So I Married an Axe Murderer.  Dir.  Thomas Schlamme.  Screenplay by Robbie Fox.  Ft.  Mike Myers, Nancy Travis and Anthony LaPaglia.  Sony Pictures, 1993.

Well, no actually, you didn't.  While the idea of her being an axe murderer was an excellent one, what is the point if it is actually her crazy ass sister?  So there was some kind of weird sexual tension between the two of them that was never resolved...  Between who, you say?  Well, between all of them, in a weirdo sort of way.  Pick your two.


My favourite part of the movie was the decision to make the love interest a butcher.  The jokes throughout those sections made my day.  I liked the tension and hilarity it added to this idea of her being a murderer.  Somehow, the film never stopped being lighthearted, even in its most serious moments.  Instead of almost dying... Mike Myers gets kicked in the balls.  So, he kicks back.  Huh.


I am not much of a laugh out loud kind of girl, nor am I super into romantic comedies.  I liked that this particular comedy played down the romance in favour of the crazy.  I was not surprised to learn that Mike Myers is the same kind of comic in every film he played.  I guess I was expecting something a little different.  I see exactly how he "evolves" as an actor throughout the last couple of decades.  In most ways, he really doesn't.  Its just the same jokes for a new, slightly more youthful audience.


Okay, so I hated the scene where he first goes to her apartment.  She didn't turn on the light until they were in the middle of the hugest room I have ever seen.  Can you imagine following someone you just met more than 20 feet into a dark house before turning on the light?   I realize this is petty and pathetic, but that is the one thing that really caught me up.


The Scottish parent storyline made me happy.  As did the World News.  My grandmother also reads tabloid magazines, though unfortunately she does not read them in earnest (to the best of my knowledge).  This just made me wish that she did.  I hope that she does, and that she secretly looks for photos of our family and friends... just hoping to solve a crime or be horrified at the depraved way in which we lead our lives.


Do redheads go grey in that particular fashion?  I hope that I don't.  I kind of hoped that I would never go grey, except in the most uniform of ways.


Final thought:  I enjoyed this movie, but it didn't overwhelm me.  I didn't laugh out loud one time.  But, I am still glad I saw it.