T's Take on RUSH HOUR 2

Jackie Chan: "I'll bitch-slap you back to africa."

M: This is the worst movie I've ever half-watched.

James Carter: "I have a dream..."

M: Wow... This is... Not at all going downhill.

James Carter: "I'm tall dark and handsome, you third world ugly."

T: It's like he's saying what we're all thinking.

M: (reading my Rush Hour (1) review) Who's James Carter?

So far so good. And by that I mean, neither one of us have weepingly smashed a window and attempted harri-carri with a massive shard of glass. I can just see M rolling back and fourth n the bed halfway through the next movie swatting my hands away while she rolls over to impale herself screaming "I'll never get it out of my HEAD!!!".

Rush Hour 2 was... Well, it didn't disappoint. It happened, we watched it, and we even chuckled at it. These movies are like the kid in the classroom who acts out making poop jokes, and he's funny, but you know once everyone leaves the classroom there's just no place for him. It's okay in this circumstance, because this is actually the perfect (and only) arena for people like Chris Tucker to completely fall apart in front of a group of people and be praised for it. Having said that, you can tell within minutes that he's not as energetic, not as fresh... He's just not as hungry for it, you know? He's not pushing himself, and testing the limits of his own creative vision. It's sad when young talent is dulled by the glamor of Hollywood. I mean, who is James Carter? Who is he really?

Rush Hour 2 picks up three weeks after the end of Rush Hour (1) where we find the no-nonsense Cheif detective (or whatever) Lee pushing Carter into casework instead of allowing him to relax and vacation. This is a valiant effort on both their behalves, but also wildly inappropriate and in real life would immediately cause a socio-political uproar that would forever change the face of foreign politics.

Can you imagine if you, a bookie and American or Canadian citizen, had your door knocked down by a violent Chinese martial artist who told you he was a Hong Kong inspector or prefect? Imagine he ordered you around crassly making solicitous claims and wild accusations, threatening you viciously before kicking your ass on the spot, handcuffing you and all your friends and badgering you for information about something you might know about just by pure virtue of your having involvement in the criminal underworld previous to that incident? The socio-political fallout would take months or years to sort out and would forever sully that foregn power's name in the international trading place.

The take-no-prisoners approach that the famed Rush Hour-verse presents is a perfect example of why police work is absolutely never conducted in this way. There were a wonderful number of narrow escapes, but when things are done by the book and due process is allowed there is no wiggleroom for criminals to gain the upper hand. Only when some massively stupid boondoggle like this occurs can traps be set and lies be swallowed and organized crime proliferate. It is only with the cooperation or failing of a justice system that people like this continue to do business in this way.

What if Lee and Carter hadn't made it out of that shipping container? They'd have been tortured for three days and had their penises dismembered. And it would have been their own fault. Nobody knew where they were or what they were doing or how to know if they needed help because they just picked a dude and chased him. They used and lied and strongarmed their way through every interaction they had and wound up in deadly situations over and over and over again. The reality here is terrifying and the message even moreso.

Don't watch Rush Hour 2.

M's Musings on RUSH HOUR 2

Rush Hour 2.  Dir.  Brett Ratner.  Screenplay by Jeff Nathanson.  Based on characters by Ross LaManna.  Ft. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker.  New Line, 2001.

Thank God there was a second one!  God forbid we let this film franchise fade into obscurity.  Nah... We'll do it one better:  we'll make Rush Hour 2 the top grossing live action "martial arts" film of all time.  And then, we'll celebrate it.  Take that, China!  Take that, kung fu!  Who needs you, anyway?

T and I only half watched this movie while writing our carefully thought-through reviews for the last movie.  From what I saw, I was impressed.  No, honestly, I am serious.  This movie was actually better than the last one.  They took a more no-holes-barred approach to the humour.  Instead of tip toeing around being offensive...  this film is like, shit man, I am going to lay out every white stereotype I can about black people AND Asian people in an hour and a half!

Asian people are cuddly, but asexual, "like Snoopy".  Black people like titties.  Asian men have small penises.  Black men need small bills because they are broke ass.  Etc, etc, ad infinitum.

The best part of this movie was all the dialogue in Chinese.  Particularly for T. and I, who watched it without subtitles.  At one point we just looked at each other and said, "It's not like it matters anyway".  We need to do a cleanse and watch a good martial arts movie.  Maybe it's time we review Hero.  It is both beautiful, and stars Zhang Ziyi, who is also beautiful.  In Rush Hour 2 she plays the evil villian who never, not once, speaks English (it makes her easier to villify that way).

Before I go wash my eyes out with soap, I'd like to mention one more thing:  This movie did not have even a fleeting reference to a Rush Hour.

That is all.